The Sun behind the Clouds
by LilyBartAndTheOthers
Summary: She still could fail.


Because the sun always shines behind the clouds I will be there to hold you in my arms. So when you feel ready, close your eyes and let me warm up your life.

She had never considered herself as a lucky person. She had worked very hard to make her dreams come true and if she had to be thankful, she should have bowed, in a respectful movement, in front of her own determination. It may have sounded egocentric, full of self-confidence and extremely hateful but her opinions had no half-measure, only a series of statements that had had been settled down even before being said out loud. The day of the last argument, when she had packed and gone away with nothing but being sixteen, she had sworn to herself that she wouldn't let people ruin her wishes. And as she would succeed, she would prove to the world, to her mother, to her sister, that she didn't need anyone but her own ambition to go through her life with an aura of victory looking after her heart.

Like in business, you'd better let your feelings outside if you don't want to crash.

She hadn't fallen in love with Stanley at the first sight. She was still very young by then, a bit naïve perhaps and one more time her eyes had just caught up the glimmering symbol of his credit card. The fact he was married to another one stirred up her devilish mind and she took it as a challenge, a simple game for her life. The more they came closer, the more it fell apart but she never gave up and kept on fighting for this man until one day she realized that she had spent ten years of her existence trying to add his last name next to hers on official papers. She had drawn a line under the Walkers legacy but as she was about to leave he knelt down and offered her an engagement ring. It's how the diamond started shining on her finger as the best reward she could have dreamt to have even though Stan already belonged to the past.

Since when is love supposed to be a part of the deal?

She got married at 34 and got bored at 35. She found out, little by little as she was wandering through the rooms of her house, that money was only a façade. Of course she kept it for herself, too proud to exhibit the disappointment of her soul and the fact she had been wrong for such a long while but still, she began to feel sad. That's why she rushed in Grace's office on a Wednesday morning not really sure of what she was doing. When she got hired and told it to Stanley, he gently patted her shoulder, smiling politely, then came back to his work and forgot about it. She wouldn't have a lot to reproach to this man except his lack of preoccupation for his wife. He never tried to take her seriously, just kept on thinking it was another whim from the lovely doll he had married. Unless he couldn't accept the idea she was actually suffering while being with him. Whatever the reasons are, she always found herself frustrated, underneath and it must be why she gave up any hope to fall in love with him. As nice as he could be, she didn't feel fine when she was with him.

We learn so much from friendship; how to survive or even sometimes, how to live.

Her marriage broke down into pieces but strangely it's when she felt relieved. Her work brought her what she really needed: the warmness and comfort of human relationships. She had always been cold while being at her manse, even when the high temperatures of the summer were burning the asphalt and New York seemed to live in a dry apathy. It was too dark, too big; so gloomy and lost in the middle of nothing. A change of side and she found back the friendly atmosphere of the office, the laughter and the joy escaping from their hearts and the sincerity of their lives. Unless it was just simplicity. All what she could say is that she realized how she needed them, day after day, week after week. She became addicted to what she had always rejected and just to keep on pretending, she mixed the pills with her martinis but the three of them were aware of what her eyes were saying. They knew her too well while Stanley was still trying to understand why their marriage had failed. It wasn't all about lies but a mutual misunderstanding. They weren't made for each other and they had always known it. Lord knows why they had stayed silent and put on a brave face like any happy couple, people who have no problems. She hadn't said a word when he had moved to another bedroom, he hadn't taken her in his arms when he had caught up her stifled cries, one night. They resulted to be two strangers who had to share a name because none of them would dare to put an end to their fake happiness.

Of a kiss and love; of an eternal beginning and the hope we won't get lost.

It hurt her when he got arrested and spent some time in jail but her heart got broken when she learned that he was having an affair. What had happened so that all of a sudden the solid bases of her life vanished under the ground and the weaknesses of time weighed so much on her soul? She hadn't seen it come or had just refused to believe she would be touched by the bitter taste of defeat, as if it was her whole existence she had missed. Jack was with her when Lauren made her first appearance, a bit abrupt and sharp. Unexpected? No, not really as a matter of fact. And as she had closed the door behind her friend that night, she had felt how cold infidelity was. She didn't hide herself for once and went straight for the warmness of his flat. Grace wasn't there, they would have all their time to discuss about Stan or whatever would pass through her mind. She just needed someone that night and feel she wouldn't be put aside. They got trapped into the intimacy of their words and the sweetness of their eyes; the way he looked at her and tried to ease the pain on her heart whenever she was about to cry. He brushed her cheek, she smiled then fell asleep in his arms. And if nothing happened that day, it settled down the beginning. When two weeks later she leaned over and kissed him. She didn't try to think about it or how to succeed. She just let Will take her hand and make her taste the sweet warmness of her feelings.

She's not sixteen anymore but still, she learns a lot and feels happy.


End file.
